The Summer of Jake Page 15

  Sighing, I beckoned with my hand and unlocked the door to the stairwell. Jake jumped out of his car and headed over, a bouquet of flowers in his hands.

  Don’t look him in the eye. Wasn’t that what people said about the devil? That’d be right—devil in blue jeans. I kept my eyes on the flowers. “Jake, I—”

  “Annalise, I’d appreciate it if you’d let me say what I have to. I’ve rehearsed it in my head, and, if you interrupt, I’ll probably forget.”

  Still standing on the doorstep, I nodded and waited, my heart thudding, looking intently at the flowers. Only the flowers.

  “I can’t tell you how sorry I am that things got out of hand last night. I’ve been beating myself up about it all day, so there’s nothing you can say that I haven’t already said to myself.”

  He handed me the flowers. “They’re purple hyacinth. In the language of flowers, they mean, ‘I’m sorry, please forgive me’.”

  I accepted the bouquet, lifting it to my face. The hyacinth had a sweet scent, so strong it’d drifted across even as he’d held them.

  “Jake—”

  “No, don’t say anything. There are some things I need to explain so I was wondering if you’d let me do that over dinner tonight?”

  How strong did fate think I was? I had flowers in my hand and the man I loved asking me out to dinner. I tried to remember the reasons for wanting to cut ties with him, but it was exceptionally difficult.

  “If you come with me,” he continued, “I’d get to practice the things you’ve helped me with.”

  Slowly, my eyes drifted to his face. My brain was screaming, don’t look in the eyes! but my brain wasn’t in control. It seemed the devil in blue jeans had taken the reins. And as soon as my gaze settled on them, I began to drown in those eyes of darkest brown.

  “I won’t ask you for anything after this, Annalise, so it’d be like a final exam.”

  “B-but the two weeks aren’t up yet.” Was that me arguing against cutting ties? I knew I should have kept my eyes on the flowers.

  “There are only four days left. I’ll still pay you for them because you’ve already made more changes than I’d expected, so I’m satisfied.”

  Are you? Well, I’m not.

  Self-protection, I thought. That had been my reasoning from the morning. I had to be careful not to get hurt. I finally tore my gaze from his and rested it on the hyacinths.

  But was that selfish in the face of the effort Jake had made and his need to have a practice date? Not to mention my designs which would soon be hanging in his shops? The least I could do was see this through to the end before cutting ties. Well, personal ties. Now our godbaby was in the picture, we’d always have familial ties. But as soon as I explained the situation to him, our personal ties were history. In fact, I could tell him over dinner—as long as I could come up with a plausible excuse. I’d work that out later.

  “Okay, Jake. When and where?”

  He smiled for the first time. “I’ll pick you up at seven. Dress code—elegant.”

  He kissed me on the cheek and sauntered out to his Jeep, leaving me still standing on the doorstep, flowers in hand and cheek tingling.

  …

  Three hours later, sitting on the floor in front of my closet, Rover on my lap, I took another look at my clothes. If this was a dinner for Jake to practice, I should make an effort to dress up. And he’d said the dress code was elegant. That meant I should wear my apricot dress with the delicate lace inserts. I’d made it a few months earlier as a prototype and knew it looked elegant. And sexy.

  “But I have to make sure I send him the right signals,” I said to Rover.

  “Rrreht,” Rover agreed.

  I knew now Jake was attracted to me, however I also knew the attraction couldn’t go anywhere—he’d sabotage it because of that stupid self-fulfilling prophecy.

  I stroked Rover’s head. “Thing is, Jake simply can’t give me a relationship. He’d ruin it for both of us first.”

  Rover head-butted the heel of my hand. She always understood me.

  “And a fling with Jake Maxwell would only increase my emotional involvement and probably leave me a basket case when it ended.” Of course, my mother would argue I was already nuts—a crazy, hopeless romantic—but that was completely beside the point.

  The silky fabric of the dress slipped across my free hand. God knew I had little willpower where Jake was concerned.

  “It might be expecting too much of myself to repeat last night’s restraint,” I told Rover.

  “Rrreht.” Rover tapped my hand with her paw in disagreement. Either that or she was hungry. I started to get up to feed her when I realized something…

  She was right.

  Of course I could do it. I wasn’t a schoolgirl with a crush, I was a woman with a career taking off and who was about to be a godmother. I’d wear the apricot dress and be strong and focused.

  “Thanks, girl.” I patted her head, and her eyes closed in delight.

  I checked my watch. There was still an hour before Jake was due. I laid the apricot dress across my bed and headed for the shower.

  Afterwards, feeling a little more relaxed, I pulled on my bathrobe and dried my hair. Making sure I was sending the right signals, I didn’t do anything fancy, just left it down. I played down my makeup, finishing with a coat of clear lip gloss.

  Thinking about Jake, my mind drifted back to Kelly and Adam’s wedding where I’d been the maid of honor and Jake, the best man. I’d taken Thomas, and Jake had a blond date, but Jake and I had to walk out of the church arm in arm, following Adam and Kelly. And we’d danced together, as required, after the bridal waltz.

  Lord, how I remembered that dance. Jake had told me I looked beautiful, and I’d felt too tongue-tied to return the compliment. Not that I believed him for a second—it was part of the best man’s role to compliment the bridesmaids, but just for the few minutes of that dance, I’d pretended he did mean it and that he’d chosen to dance with me. That he was holding me in his arms because he liked having me there. That he was gazing at me because he couldn’t drag his attention away.

  And all my mother’s worst fears about me became reality—I could see pink hearts in the air and hear doves cooing. The romantic dreamer was totally in her element.

  I’d put my arms around his neck and felt his body close to mine under the cover of bridal party duties.

  If I were honest, that was the moment I knew I’d have to break up with Thomas. In two years together, I’d never felt as strongly about him as I did about Jake in that one dance.

  An alarming thought struck, jerking me out of the memory. What if I wasn’t a failure at relationships? What if I couldn’t fall in love with any past boyfriends, because I’d already been in love with Jake? What if those relationships had been doomed before starting, because none of the men were Jake?

  Jake had always been such an overachiever that I felt like laughing—or was that crying?—at the irony. Even when he wasn’t trying, he outdid every other man I’d met.

  Oh boy, I was in deeper than I’d suspected—and had been for years. This newfound love wasn’t new. All those years I’d thought it’d just been a crush and I was over it. And all that time, I’d loved him.

  I was heading from doomed relationships with men who weren’t Jake to a no-chance-of-going-anywhere-relationship with the man who was.

  Frustration welled up from my chest to prick my eyes. I picked up Rover and cuddled her small, fluffy body.

  What I wanted, no needed, more than anything in the world—even more than Jake—was to be free of the super-glue that kept me attached to him. That damn glue had been ruling my life for far too long, and I wanted out. I needed my freedom back, and, for that, I needed him to stay away. And I couldn’t do it on my own. I’d have to tell him.

  I’m strong, I’m focused.

  By ten to seven, I was ready. Dropping my bag by the door, I heard a knock.

  I’m strong, I’m focused. I took a deep breath and o
pened the door only to have the breath leave my lungs in a rush. Jake was wearing the new green shirt with the tiny black pinstripes and it sat across his broad shoulders like water draping over smooth rock. His eyes, always dark, seemed black in the shadowy light of the doorway. I’d never seen him look so good. I’d never been so turned on just by the sight of someone.

  I wondered how he’d react if I pulled him into my bedroom now and forgot the dinner, and instead spent the night showing him just how I felt about him and that body of his.

  Hang on, there was a reason not to do that. What was it again?

  Suddenly, I realized I hadn’t said anything, and tried to get my mouth to form the words.

  “Hello, Jake.”

  There was a moment of silence before he answered. “Hello, Annalise.” Then he leaned down to kiss me on the cheek.

  But he didn’t kiss my cheek; he kissed my lips. And I felt myself kiss him back.

  …

  Jake

  I told myself to stop kissing Annalise. The whole point of the night was supposed to be to make up for kissing her last night.

  Even after spending the afternoon thinking about her, here and now, in that pale orange dress, she took my breath away. I’d been momentarily stunned when she’d opened the door looking like a vision, and had kissed her more on instinct than from any functioning thought process.

  But I should stop now. And I would—any minute.

  The problem was, I didn’t want to stop. Her lips were sweet, and she made my body heat like nothing else. Her breasts brushed against my chest, and I wanted to feel them in my hands again. To hear that noise she made in the back of her throat when I put my mouth over her. Almost without thinking, my hands lifted and brushed past the sides of her breasts. She shuddered. Memories of her game from last night flooded my mind, but this time I knew it was wrong.

  Mustering all my self-control, I pulled back and straightened. There was a slightly dazed look in her eyes.

  I stuffed my hands into my pockets. “Sorry. Again. Hey, are you ready to go?” I needed to get out of there and stop looking at her in that dress. At least in the car, I’d be facing away from her.

  “Um, yes, I’m ready.” She ducked her head, and a shield of hair hid her expression.

  What was she thinking? I had no way of working it out if I couldn’t see her face. Damn shield of hair. Damn sexy shield of silky hair that I wanted to fill my hands with and press against my mouth. Abruptly, I turned away. One night. I only had to make it through one more night while I explained how things stood, then I’d be safe. I owed her that explanation.

  “Good,” I said. “Let’s go.”

  I watched her close the door behind herself before we walked to the Jeep in silence.

  Once in the car, I appreciated Annalise asking for an update on her designs and grasped the topic with gusto, telling her they’d been made up and we expected them in-store in the next week.

  She seemed as reluctant as I was to mention the kiss at her door—after we’d talked about her designs, she brought up several meaningless topics of conversation, and I gratefully followed her lead.

  When we arrived at the restaurant, I opened her door then we walked side by side, not touching, to the front door.

  The waiter seated us at a table overlooking the water.

  “Would you like to see the wine list, sir?”

  My gaze snapped to Annalise. She’d bitten down on her bottom lip, as if embarrassed. “No, thank you. I think we’ll both be having water tonight. Unless you want some…?”

  Annalise gave a quick shake of her head, and the waiter left. As we scanned the menus in a thick silence, I stole a look at Annalise, wondering where her head was at. She’d made herself clear in her kitchen that nothing would happen between us, but, tonight, she’d kissed me back. And there had been no alcohol involved…

  It suddenly occurred to me that I’d made one hell of an assumption. I’d been thinking of Annalise as someone young and naive, someone too sweet to be able to handle a fling. Someone who would only get her heart broken.

  What if I’d been wrong?

  Just because I couldn’t offer her long term didn’t mean that’s what she was after. My blood buzzed.

  When the waiter returned, I watched Annalise order. What did she really feel about me? Was there a chance she was as attracted to me as I was to her? She looked stunning in that silky dress—though I knew I couldn’t read anything into that. Just because she was wearing a sexy dress and had her hair down—which she must know drove me crazy—didn’t mean she’d done it for me. She was sophisticated, and any sophisticated woman would make an effort when going to a classy restaurant. That’s why I’d asked her for help with Scarlett in the first place.

  Scarlett. I hadn’t thought about her in a while. Not even a little. Of course, I could barely think of anything but Annalise at the moment. But what was she thinking? Maybe the best thing would be to throw out some bait and see where she took it. I quickly ordered then paused until the waiter retreated.

  “I hear we’re going to be parents.” I smiled as I watched thoughts travel across her face. First surprise, followed by amusement, very quickly replaced by seriousness with a repressed smile.

  “Godparents, Jake.”

  “It still means we’ll have a baby together.” I was enjoying watching her struggle to keep her amusement in check. Why would she bother? Or was it some other emotion she was forcing down?

  “A godbaby. So Adam talked to you today?”

  “Yep, we had lunch. Before I came to your place with the flowers.”

  “Speaking of that, how did you know about the meaning of hyacinth?”

  “A couple of phone calls until I found a florist in North Sydney, Blooming Lovely, who knew which flower was right and had some in stock.”

  Her hand fluttered to her throat. “You didn’t have to go to that much trouble.”

  “Yes, I did. I still feel bad.” I leaned over closer so we couldn’t be overheard. “I took advantage of you last night. You wouldn’t have let it go that far if you hadn’t been drinking.”

  And I would’ve read the situation better if I hadn’t, I silently added. My gut clenched. I’ve become my father.

  “Jake, there’s something I need to tell you.”

  “It’s only fair to have a go at me. Fire away.”

  She stilled and looked me in the eye. “You didn’t force me into anything. I wanted to kiss you.” Her gaze dropped to her lap. “I’ve had a hard time not kissing you since that morning in your closet.”

  This was good news. Very good news. In fact, the best news I’d heard in a long time. Excellent. I felt the weight of guilt lift and a substitute take up residence. I couldn’t quite name it, but it felt quite a bit like hope, maybe excitement.

  “You have?” I raised an eyebrow and grinned. “Tell me more about wanting to kiss me.”

  She shook out her napkin with a little more force than necessary. “I’m sure you don’t need to be told about another one of your conquests.”

  There was an edge to her voice. There was more to this than she was telling me, but my contemplation was interrupted by the waiter bringing out our meals. When he left, I leaned back in my chair and looked at Annalise. She seemed restless, perhaps nervous. And, now that I thought about it, if she wanted to kiss me so much, why had she stopped us in her kitchen? Yep, there was definitely more to this. “Annalise, what’s going on?”

  She took a deep breath, then, with a trembling hand, she took a sip of water. “You may not want to hear this, but I’m going to tell you anyway.” She sat the glass back on the table and flicked her hair over her shoulder. “I love you, Jake. I’ve loved you since I was fifteen. I thought it was a crush and that I was over it, but it’s stronger now, and I think spending this time with you has made me fall in love with you more. Now I know parts of you I hadn’t seen before. And I love those parts, too.”

  Oh, hell. I’d just been hoping she’d like me. Now I was on un
certain ground. My brain was working overtime, piecing information together, trying to work out what to do. Then the jigsaw fell into place—and it was worse than I’d expected. “It was me, wasn’t it? The man who hurt you?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “You sometimes look at me with sadness in your eyes, and I wondered if someone had hurt you. I thought maybe it was the guy you took to Kelly’s wedding. But it was me, wasn’t it?”

  “Don’t be ridiculous,” she said, dismissing the idea with a flick of her wrist. “How could you hurt me? We never dated.”

  “By not noticing you. By not realizing how you felt all this time. I hurt you, didn’t I?”

  She sighed and picked up her napkin again, fiddling with the corner. “Maybe.”

  “I’m sorry,” I murmured. I understood now why she’d stopped me last night. Not because she didn’t want me, but because she wanted more from me than one night of passion. Or a string of nights of passion.

  Suddenly, I felt the responsibility of the situation land on my shoulders. As well as being attracted to her, I genuinely cared for Annalise. She was a friend. If she felt this way about me, I couldn’t have a relationship with her—she’d wind up more hurt when I ended it. And I would have to end it. Donna was right, I couldn’t do long term.

  Or could I? Maybe if I gave it a go…

  No, I wouldn’t let myself hurt Annalise by using her as a crash-test-dummy in an experiment destined to fail. I could risk my own heart and soul, but never someone else’s.

  Especially Annalise’s.

  Besides, Kelly and my mother would kill me if I did. Hell, this was getting complicated. It was worse than the guilt I’d had for the last twenty-four hours.

  I looked over at Annalise and saw she was watching me carefully.

  “Jake, I know what you think of yourself and what Donna told you. I don’t really understand why you believe it, but you do. So I know you can’t give me what I want, even if you were attracted to me.”

  “Annalise—”

  “No, Jake, you asked me to let you speak this afternoon, now let me say this.” She took a shuddering breath. “I want you to know that I don’t expect anything from you. In fact, one of the reasons I agreed to come tonight was to explain that I don’t think we should see each other anymore. You don’t need me to make you over. You never did. I couldn’t see anything that needed changing about you. I always thought you were perfect.”