The Summer of Jake Page 18

  I shrugged. “That’s because he hasn’t.”

  “Oh, right. And the other thing?” There was silence before Kelly spoke again. “You said a couple of things.”

  “I don’t want to get into it.” I crumpled another leaf and let its pieces scatter on the ground.

  She shook her head. “That’s not going to cut it with me. We made promises when we were fifteen about telling each other everything, and those kinds of promises are sacred, you know.”

  “This is complicated, Kel.”

  “I think I’m clever enough to follow.”

  “Yes, but…” I could feel the tears welling up again. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “That may work for other people, but I’m not other people.” Kelly put her arm back around my shoulders. “Tell me, Lisey.”

  I felt the tears sliding down my face and tried to quickly wipe them away, as if I could wipe the pain away with them.

  “Come on, Lisey, tell me.”

  “It’s Jake. The problem in my relationships has been Jake.” The tears flowed more freely with the blurted admission.

  “Jake? I didn’t think you’d seen him except at my wedding.” Frowning, Kelly pulled back to see my face.

  “I haven’t, but he always seems to be with me anyway. Did you know I broke up with Thomas after dancing with Jake at your wedding?”

  “Really?”

  “One dance, and I ended a two year relationship.”

  “Oh, Lisey.” Tears were starting to form in Kelly’s own eyes.

  “I love him. I loved him at fifteen, and I’ve never stopped. I tried to pretend I didn’t for a few years, but it didn’t work. I don’t think there’s any hope now I’ll ever love anyone else. We’ve spent some time together recently, and I’ve seen the real him, the parts he hides, and it only made me love him more.”

  “Have you told him?” Kelly asked gently.

  “Yes, a couple of weeks ago.” I was having trouble talking through the sobs. “But, Kel, he still doesn’t want to be with me. Just like when we were teenagers.”

  Kelly held me close, waiting until my weeping eased before she said, “Then he’s an idiot.”

  “Yep, a first-class idiot.” We looked at each other and laughed, then my laughing turned back to crying.

  “So tell me why he left so angry tonight.”

  “Ah. That.” I tried to wipe away some of the tears. “I told him he was a coward.”

  Kelly’s eyes widened with shock and approval. “You did? That was a brave thing for you to say to Jake!”

  “I didn’t mean to, it just came out.”

  Kelly shook her head, laughing. “A pretty big thing to just come out. What was he being a coward about?”

  I covered my eyes with a hand, not really wanting to admit it. “His feelings.”

  “Gee, you know where to hurt a guy. He hates talking about feelings at the best of times, and you threw the word coward in as well? No wonder he was furious.”

  “I know, I know. You can see I’ve messed everything up. So even though I’m not a hopeless dreamer, relationships don’t work for me. I doubt Jake will even acknowledge me in the street now.”

  “Jake’s not like that. He’ll cool down, and, when he does, he’ll be fine. He has good manners—of course he’ll talk to you. And don’t forget, you’re still godparents to this little tyke.” Kelly patted her belly.

  The sight of Kelly’s early pregnancy contrasted with my own future, and the pain in my chest felt as if it might engulf me. “He might be polite, but, Kel, I want so much more from him that I’ll never have, and I don’t know how I’m going to stand it.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Jake

  I sat at my desk, staring out the window. The waves weren’t big enough for a surf, but I considered going for a swim or taking my boat out. Maybe it’d clear my head. It’d been a few days since the dinner at my mother’s, and, even though the anger had worn off, I still felt like I’d been through a rinse cycle.

  For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why I’d overreacted when Annalise insulted me. My temper was normally slow to flare. Maybe it had been passion turning to anger. Or maybe Annalise was right, and I’d overreacted to cover my feelings.

  Glancing down at the papers on my desk, I sighed. I might have delegated most of the work away, but there were still things I had to do, and they needed my full attention. I tried to read the first of a stack of contracts waiting to be signed but couldn’t concentrate.

  I hated this part of the job. Had always hated it. It hadn’t been until Annalise had confronted me with my need to prove Donna wrong that I’d even realized why I was doing something I hated. Except, that was only half the story. The seed had been planted long before I’d met Donna.

  Now I could see my career and business for what it was: an attempt to show I was worthwhile. Had I done enough to prove it yet? The answer came in my father’s voice. It’d replayed over in my mind for years after it’d been uttered, but I hadn’t heard it now for a long time.

  Nonetheless, here it was again whispering in a drunken voice, What are you staring at, boy? You’re no better than me, so get that look off your face. You’re just like me. You’ll never amount to anything.

  It was the last thing I ever heard my father say. I’d been seven years old and known my father was drunk, his life in such tatters that he couldn’t even tour anymore, and he was lashing out as my mother pushed him out the door for the final time. But it had still made an impact. A lifelong impact.

  Maybe I could have dismissed it, if it wasn’t for all the times people told me I was like my father, the times the media had drawn the parallel—the times I’d thought it myself. Other people had thought they were complimenting me, yet, even at seven, I’d wanted them to be wrong. Wanted them to be, but knew they weren’t.

  When my father died a few years later through complications from alcoholism—the event immortalized in the newspapers and minds of a nation—the words had become engraved in my memory.

  I’d begun to forget when I was caught in the throes of first love, begun to think anything was possible, and then reality had returned with Donna’s harsh reminder. Harsh but true. I knew then my fate was sealed—I was just like the man who’d ruined his own career, was a bad husband and a bad father.

  I’d needed this business to prove my success to myself. To prove to my mother, my sister, and the whole world that I wasn’t like my father.

  I smiled wryly—the only person I wanted to prove anything to now was Annalise. I sighed, rubbing my face with my hands. I had to make sure Annalise didn’t get hurt the way my mother had. I might have already caused her some heartache, but it was better to have this small pain now than the bigger damage when I messed up in the future.

  And I would. My father and Donna had both known it. I knew it, too.

  I remembered Annalise’s comment about a self-fulfilling prophecy. Had that been a part of the problem? That I believed it so strongly I’d actually made it happen?

  My thoughts were interrupted by the intercom on my desk. I looked at the contract still unread—I had to keep my mind on the job or I’d never get anything done.

  I pressed the button. “Yes, Janine?”

  “Your sister is here to see you, Mr. Maxwell.”

  “Thanks.” I strode over to the door, meeting a smiling Kelly.

  I hugged her for a little longer than usual then dropped a kiss on the top of her head. “This is a nice surprise.” I closed the door behind us and led her over to the couches.

  “You might not think so in a minute.”

  “Then maybe I’d better offer you a drink first.”

  “I’d love one.”

  I moved to get an assortment of juice and soft drinks, and found some crackers in the cupboard. When I’d laid them out and put the drinks in front of our chairs, I sat down. “Okay, Kel, what is it?”

  “I know we don’t say this to each other very often, but I love you. I wanted to
tell you so you know what I’m about to say comes from love.”

  I smiled again. I could always count on Kelly to cheer me up.

  “Jake, you’re an idiot.”

  The smile abruptly left my face. First a coward, now an idiot. It must be my week for being insulted by women who professed to love me.

  “Thanks.” My dry tone was lost on Kelly.

  “You and Annalise are two of my favorite people in the world, so it’d make me very happy if you were together. But, leaving that aside, the reason I love you both is that you’re such wonderful people. You both deserve to be with someone who loves you as much as you love the other.”

  “Annalise told you that?” I was stunned. Though, I realized, I shouldn’t be—the two were best friends.

  “I extracted a little from Annalise and worked the rest out for myself—I know you both well. There’s something stopping two people in love from being together, and, from my own observations, that something is you. This is where the idiot bit comes in, in case you’re wondering.”

  I opened my mouth to make a sharp retort, but, when I saw Kelly’s expression, I faltered. She really was speaking from love. Instead of being defensive, I should be thanking her for her honesty. “It’s complicated, Kelly.”

  “Where have I heard that before?” she muttered to herself. “So, un-complicate it.”

  “It’s not just Annalise, it’s my whole life. Annalise made me see that.”

  “I don’t know the details, but I’m here if you want to talk to someone. Just whatever you do, please work it out.” She paused and grabbed my hand. “Jake, I want to see you happy again.”

  See me happy again? The simple sentiment hit me like a Mack truck. Looking down at our hands, I suddenly felt the full burden of the sadness I’d been carrying for too long. Like a storm cloud following me, it affected every aspect of my life, and I was sick and tired of it.

  I wanted to see me happy again, too.

  But I had a feeling it was going to take a whole lot of sorting out to get to happy, and I had no idea where to start. Yet, for the first time I could remember, I wanted to do it. Wanted to get rid of the load I’d been carrying, for myself—and for Annalise.

  If it were possible.

  I moved to the armrest of her chair and leaned to hug her. “Thanks, Kel, I’ll try. And you’ll be the second person to know if I do.”

  “I’m hoping the first person will be Annalise?”

  “Whatever happens, I think she deserves that.”

  “That’s where we disagree. I think she deserves a whole lot more. But that’s a start.”

  …

  “Hello?”

  “Lisey, it’s Kelly.”

  “Hi, Kelly. How are you?”

  “Good thanks.”

  “And my godchild?”

  “Everything’s fine. Listen, Mum’s been pestering me to set something up so she can see us together again, and I was thinking about a dinner. Are you free on Saturday night?”

  “Sure. What can I bring?”

  “Nothing. I’ll see you at six thirty.”

  …

  “Hello?”

  “Jake, it’s Kelly.”

  “Hey, Kel.”

  “Adam told me about your idea with Mum and Gerry, and I think it’s good.”

  “Yeah, I had them over for dinner, and it went well.”

  “Mum mentioned that. I thought I’d help your plan and have them over to dinner at my place on Saturday. Want to come?”

  “Sure, why not.”

  “Then see you at six thirty.”

  …

  Annalise

  When I saw Jake’s car in front of Kelly’s house, my stomach dropped. Competing feelings attacked like a company of emotional storm troopers. Annoyance at Kelly for the setup was an early leader, but anxiety about seeing Jake was fast overtaking.

  The last time we’d spoken, it’d ended so badly I didn’t even know if he was still angry with me. Or if I was angry with him.

  I’d worn my lucky tan skirt, thinking I needed the boost when I saw Jake’s family—and how had it helped? Bringing Jake himself to the table. So much for being lucky.

  Hastily, I ran through my options. I had my phone—I could call and make an excuse. But I refused to take the coward’s way out after accusing Jake of the same thing.

  There was going in and braving it out. Certainly not an attractive option—more the ugly stepsister of an option.

  What else? Actually, I couldn’t think of anything else.

  Groaning, I dropped my head to my hands gripping the Volvo’s steering wheel. Years ago, I’d always hoped to run into Jake while visiting Kelly. Funny how time changed things. Well, time and kisses changed things. No—time, kisses, and declarations of love. No—time, kisses, declarations of love, and yelling in gardens…

  I shook my head. This wasn’t getting me anywhere. Picking up my bag and the bottle of wine I’d brought, I made myself get out of the car.

  Kelly opened the door on the first knock and encircled me in a hug. Or maybe she was ensuring I didn’t back away—too tough to call.

  “Lisey, it’s so good to see you.” She hugged me a little too tightly.

  “You didn’t tell me Jake would be here,” I whispered.

  “I didn’t think you’d come if I did,” Kelly whispered back.

  “I wouldn’t have.”

  “See, I was right then. Come on in.”

  I’d already seen Jake from the corner of my eye—it was as if part of me always knew where he was. I looked over at him without even being conscious of the action.

  He was wearing the mustard shirt, blue jeans, and a look of surprise. Until that moment, I’d been unaware of the small flicker of hope that had ignited when I’d seen Jake’s car. Hope that maybe he wanted to see me and had arranged this. I was aware of it only as it was extinguished by his surprise.

  “Annalise!”

  “Eden! It’s good to see you again.” I moved over to hug her.

  “You, too. Let me take your wine into the kitchen. Would anyone like a glass?”

  “What type is it?” It was the first time Jake had spoken since I’d arrived, and his voice sent an electric shiver down my spine.

  “A Margaret River Semillon,” I answered. I wondered if he was thinking the same thing as I was.

  “I don’t really like Semillon.” His gaze didn’t falter, and I was suddenly having trouble drawing breath.

  “I know. I’m sorry, Kelly forgot to mention you’d be here, otherwise I would’ve brought one you liked.”

  “Do you remember what I like?” His tone was conversational. He could have meant wine, but I wasn’t so sure.

  I opened my mouth but couldn’t think of an answer. In my mind, I was back in my kitchen, sitting on the counter, arms wrapped around him, melting.

  “I’d like a glass.” Gerry sat on the lounge, hand slightly raised. I’d forgotten anyone else was in the room.

  “Okay,” said Eden. “Anyone else? Annalise?”

  “Yes, I’ll help you.”

  I followed Eden and Kelly into the kitchen, studiously avoiding any further eye contact with Jake. Then I waited until Eden left with Gerry’s wine and I was alone with Kelly.

  “Why did you do this to me?” I demanded.

  “I just thought if you and Jake were together, you might both come to your senses and work it out.”

  I shook my head in disbelief. “But why? You said you were glad I wasn’t with him, that I’d get hurt.”

  “Something’s different. He’s not the same with you as with other girls he’s dated. I really noticed it when we had dinner at Mum’s. It’s as if he’s centered when he’s with you.” She shrugged. “More himself.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked, curious despite myself.

  “Our whole lives, I’ve watched him fall in and out of roles. When the media is around, or he meets his fans, he has to step into his public persona. But even with us—I think he’s always felt he has
to be the strong one. The man of the house.”

  “He has friends. Like Adam.”

  “He jokes around with Adam, sure, but when I see him just talking to you, or even talking to me about you…” She paused, chewing on her lip. “I don’t know. It’s like you’ve become his anchor.”

  This was too much. Just too much. I covered my face with my hands, as if that could save me. “Oh, Kel. I’m not qualified to be anyone’s anchor. Especially Jake’s.”

  “Seriously, he’s in a different headspace altogether. I think he loves you.”

  I sighed and felt my shoulders slump forward. “This is not fair on either of us, Kel.”

  “It’ll be fine.” Kelly smiled confidently. “There are six of us, so you don’t have to talk to him all night.”

  “Kel, please seat me at the other end of the table?”

  “Oh, all right. Though it’d be much easier for me if you’d play along, you know.”

  I rolled my eyes at her unsinkable spirit. “I don’t want it to be easier for you—right now, I want to go home.”

  Once we took our places at the table, I was sorry I’d asked to be at the other end from Jake, because Kelly had seated us at the ends. Eden and Gerry sat together on one side, and Kelly and Adam on the other, leaving Jake and me at either end, facing each other.

  When I’d sat beside him at Eden’s house, I hadn’t appreciated that the seating arrangement ensured I could avoid looking at him. But now, every time I glanced up from my plate, the first person I saw was Jake. If I was listening to Gerry tell a story, Jake was still in view. If I spoke to Kelly, I could see Jake. Unless I looked down at my plate, he was somewhere in my vision.

  “That’s a lovely shirt, Jake,” Eden said. “I don’t think I’ve seen it before.”

  “No,” Jake answered. “You wouldn’t have. It’s new. Annalise helped me pick it out.”

  All eyes turned to me—some in surprise, some waiting for more information. That hadn’t been fair. I’d told him in his mother’s garden it was cruel to make things harder for me. Well, bringing up memories like that in front of his family, when he knew I loved him, was just as cruel. Was he trying to upset me?

  The eyes were still waiting for a response. I looked at Jake, wanting to glare but being unable to under the scrutiny. “Yes, it was for one of Jake’s dates. How is Scarlett?” I infused my voice with polite interest.